


I don't feel so good

by milkywaydreams



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types, The Avengers - Ambiguous Fandom
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Coping, Death, Hopeful Ending, I cried while writing this, One Shot, Read at Your Own Risk, Toot toot!, like mega angst, welcome to the post-endgame paintrain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-26
Updated: 2019-04-26
Packaged: 2020-02-07 03:25:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 801
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18612145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/milkywaydreams/pseuds/milkywaydreams
Summary: -ONE SHOT-**THIS CONTAINS ENDGAME SPOILERS - READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!**Learning to cope with someone we lost is never easy. Where do we move on from here?





	I don't feel so good

**Author's Note:**

> Last warning, y'all. 
> 
> THIS CONTAINS ENDGAME SPOILERS - READ AT YOUR OWN RISK!!!
> 
> I wrote this at 3 AM last night after getting home from Endgame. It's not great but I had some emotions I needed to let go.

Life slips through his fingers in the blink of an eye.

        For Peter, disappearing on Titan feels like it happened just an hour ago. Now here they are, on Earth. Enemies gone within minutes, fading to ash like memories of time past. He squats in front of Tony’s broken body.  
        “We won.” Peter watches him slip away, skin burned and eyes glazed. Unfocused. It’s unfair, he only just got back and now it’s his turn to let him go. “Tony, don’t go.” His voice shakes. The tables have turned. For a man to give his life for the sake of humanity - the galaxy - would be considered a noble death. But crouched in front of him, he feels small. Helpless. More like a child than someone on cusp of adulthood.  
        This can’t be happening. They won the war, but this doesn’t feel like winning. Body aching, stomach churning, the familiar sting of tears in Peter’s eyes becomes too much. They spill from his eyes cutting through dirt and sweat. He loves Tony. He can’t go - not now. There’s still so much to learn. So much to say and do.

Who would help him with his science projects?

Who would help him settle in to his new role in the Avengers?

Who would sit beside Aunt May when he graduates?

_Mr. Stark, I don’t feel so good._

        Someone touches Peter’s shoulders and pulls him to the side. His body shakes and his very bones rattle with every sob that tears through him. Someone begins to pat his back and tell him everything will be alright; but he knows it will never be the same. Not without Tony. It’s a pain no one his age should have to experience. There isn’t a gadget or gizmo in his suit to make everything better. To bring him back. It eats away at him little by little as Pepper says her goodbyes. It really is over. Tony is gone and the world has gone dark.

_Please don’t go, Tony._

        The days pass slower than 5th period. Peter becomes one with his bed, rarely moving and only nibbling at the food Aunt May leaves on his bedside table. His phone rings, buzzing with excitement. Everyone is back home and trying to rebuild, but Peter lets them go to voicemail. He’s tired. He sleeps and mindlessly scrolls through Youtube videos, but all he sees is videos he’s uploaded over the years. Tony’s face prominent in the thumb nails. The pit in his stomach grows until he feels sick and has to get off the internet.  
        The day of his funeral comes and Aunt May helps Peter dress in a sharp black suit. She smooths out his sleeves with tears glittering in her eyes. Her chin trembles. She tells him she’ll be right there beside him, that they can leave any time he wants to. He manages a tiny smile but refuses to look in the mirror because he knows he looks tired. Before they leave he sees the photo of his… Tony and him giving each other bunny ears.  
        Driving through the city, Peter wonders if everyone is sharing happy reunions with their loved ones. Perhaps they’re eating breakfast together or playing catch in the backyard. All the while his mind begins to wander back to their reunion just before battling Thanos. Tony embraced him like a prodigal son returning home. It surprised him at first, and now he wants nothing more than to feel that again.

_Tony, I don’t feel so good._

        At the cabin, everyone gives Peter pats on the back and sympathetic smiles. They may not know him well, but they know deep down how much Tony meant to him… how much he meant to Tony. He puts on a brave face and holds back tears. He wants to look brave - victorious. Looking ahead, he sees a little girl beside Mrs. Potts. Brunette hair and features that favor the man they mourn. Pepper stoops down and sends off a bundle of flowers. Something stirs within the shattered spider-kid. No one told him Mr. Stark had a child. It never dawned on him that in the five years he was gone that Tony had started a new life, and a happy one at that.  
        The child looks over her shoulder at him, curious eyes studying him. He’s seen the same look in her father’s eyes. Peter offers her a small smile and a tiny wave. Emotion crashes over him. A flame lights beneath him, banishing the darkness that took hold of him the day Tony died. This little girl is the future. Tony’s future. He vows to himself that come hell or high water, he will protect her so that her father’s spark will live on.  
He will be her brother.

_Dad… I’ll take it from here._

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! I'm sad!


End file.
